Last night I was driving through the dark streets of Portland, windows down because it was a warm evening, and for the first time in years (?) I felt real, genuine happiness. It was sudden. I don't know if it was the balmy dusk...the possibility of a new job...or that I was going to see the Boy. I suppose it doesn't really matter. What blew me away was how it popped into my head...as if out of nowhere, i was thinking, this is what happiness is...a gentle feeling of contentedness, nothing is wrong in the world.

Do regular people feel this way, I wonder? Certainly everyone goes through bouts of depressions, ups and downs, because, well, that's life. But I'm curious what form happiness takes in other people's lives. After years of crushing depression, and anxiety, I came up with the idea (for survival's sake) that happiness was not a neccessary part of a fulfilling existence. But after what I experienced yesterday, and still feel today, I don't think I gave hapiness enough credit. I watered it down. It couldn't be that important, I reasoned, because me - the girl who had it all - couldn't find it in her own life.

I don't know how long it will last, maybe it'll be gone by the end of the day. I'd like to say I'm not thinking about that - truth is, I'm trying not to. But I am savoring this feeling. There is nothing better.